I’m going to take this time to share with you a personal topic. My best friend passed away almost exactly one year ago. It’s a hard thing to talk about, loss and death, as one can imagine, not just for me, but also to my audience. I don’t want to make anyone here feel awkward, yet I do think talking about it helps the process. Not to heal from the pain, but to come to terms with it. Anyways, just by seeing your faces frozen in somber discomfort, I know that going on about death and grief isn’t a great idea. So don’t worry, relax, because I’m not going to carry on about death, no, I actually want to talk about friendship.
The number one thing this past year has taught me, is that friendships are underrated. Especially as we get older, it’s all about dating/marriage, parent/child, colleague relationships. Adulthood is dominated by so many other concerns, that friendship totally gets side-lined. We can probably all remember having childhood friends, kids’ birthday parties and playdates. Undoubtedly you all remember college friends and whatever shenanigans that happened then. But we can probably also agree that once we entered the working world, friendships were much harder to come by and harder to retain. You can’t just walk up to the next person you see on the street and say, “hey, will you be my friend….please?” Of course not, this is against social norms in our day and age. As the quote goes, “Friends are the family you choose,” and it’s important to recognize this. As an adult, friendships take effort and we should remember to put in that effort to maintain those friendships. Because friendships are important.
Not all friendships are the same and often it’s can be hard to pinpoint what makes one person become your friend. Some friendships take a while to gradually get to know each other, meet more often, and test whether you actually want to be friends. Some friends start off on the wrong foot and only later on do you realize the compatibility. For my friend and I, it was surprisingly cliché — we met freshmen year in college, actually it was at a pre-freshmen orientation, the ones that were meant to give nervous 18-year olds an extra few days to get used to the idea of being alone in college. Thinking back, I would say, the two of us were probably so worried that we’d have no friends, that we basically just made eye contact, said hi, exchanged phone numbers, she had a flip phone, I had a flip phone = best friends, done. That was it. We were both sold on this friendship as a guarantee that at least we had each other to conquer the next four years of college with.
Needless to say, we stayed friends after college and had 8 years of amazing friendship. I bought her her first legal drink. She kept me afloat during my first break-up. I took her on her first flight and international trip. She’s the only person who read all 216 pages of my thesis, aside from my advisor. I was her +1 / pseudo photographer at her sister’s wedding. Our friendship shaped who I am today, going through our twenties, soul-searching for what kind of person we wanted to be. If you have or had a friendship that is truly fantastic, you should be thankful and really consider yourself lucky. This is something I still struggle with, rather than being bitter that our friendship is capped at 8 years, only 8 years out of a lifetime… I’m trying to learn how to be thankful that I was lucky enough to even have had her as my friend for 8 years. To have had such a powerful connection with someone, that likely others never experience, in terms of a friendship, is a special feat. Social media nowadays, so many “friends” out there aren’t real friends or more like “followers” or entirely virtual. Look around and really think about who your real friends are, and recognize that you’re lucky to have them.
Now that I’ve shared my story about one of the best friendships out there, I want you to take a moment and think about your most meaningful friendships. Now think about when was the last time you told them that they were important? When was the last time you told your friend that you were so glad he went to the ball game with you? When did you last say thank you to her being there when you needed to talk? It might seem trivial or awkward, but let me tell you, the next time you go grab a beer or meet up for a movie, just tell your friend “hey, thanks for being my friend, it means a lot, and I love you”. He or she may brush it off and think you’re insane for suddenly dropping such a deep message, but do it for yourself. Do it so that if any misfortune suddenly happens, at least you know you’ve told your friend how much she means to you. Do it so that you won’t have regret one day, wondering whether your friend ever knew how important she was to you.
I wish I could say it’s never too late. But sometimes, it is too late. Usually, people regret saying things, but let me tell you, people can also regret not having said things. Take the time to show your friends appreciation and be thankful for that friendship. Voice it and don’t shy away from the acknowledging how important a friend is to you. I’d like to leave you with three points: 1) Friends are important and we need to acknowledge this 2) good friends are hard to come by so if you have some, you’re already the lucky ones and 3) tell those good friends, thank you for being your friend. Do it for them and do it for yourself.
