It has been five years.

I don’t really know what to say. Time does pass and it helps to mute the emotions. Sometimes, I worry that I am forgetting because there are many other things occupying my mind. I guess you could call it “life”. Weeks or months can go by, and I am not actively remembering you. Other times, I am at a loss for who to turn to, wondering why is it that I don’t have the perfect person to share this conversation with. And it takes me a real moment of wondering before I remember that it isn’t because I don’t have a best friend, but it’s because that person is no longer here with me. Like somehow I have gotten used to you being gone, that it’s translated into you not having existed; the mind tricks itself. Some days, a beautiful new song or especially nostalgic one makes me break out in tears, and yet, I wasn’t even thinking about you. It’s like an unseen emotion or fading memory in my mind or heart. What really hurts the most is not only are we not making new memories together, but I am unable to hold on to you either, as time keeps pushing you further away, and for that, I am so sorry.